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Imaginary Mosaic Come Nightfall Spilling the tale from a stuttering lip To the fireworks of evening whispers, Sirens wail to ears of pounding hearts Emerging from words of bravery said. "You like to think you're an immortal ghost Never defeated with scars of burnt fire, And never held with chains gripped taut But we'll be sure that'll change, come nightfall." It becomes almost a dance in the moonlight To the overplayed tune of scaling bullets. This song lacking mercy sings at every turn As chary dancers bathe in tears and sweat. For both sides now behind hourglasses of sand Fighting for flags upon poles that bend and twist, The dancers take their bow and fall to their knees Before burning to scarlet crisp, come nightfall. I tell my wordless painters in a mindless state To paint a mural upon walls of brick and stone. Crimson with the blood of the children fallen, Paint a mural of the faces of a war so crumpled. Faces who dare let their children perish to dust As they brush away ashes with polished fingers. For these faces so stoic as their slate, gray walls Will only see their city aflame, come nightfall. Everything on Earth is beautiful wonderment, But nothing beautiful lasts a day in bloodshed And even in shadows of alarm clocks spent, Piercing thunder shakes days of searing flesh So take in this breath of black wind cinders With echo's of screaming voices hollow, For you may find yourself buried beneath it Past tomorrow's red dawn, come nightfall. Thankfully depressive part of the trip is pretty much over with after my mom pretty much forced me to cry on her shoulder. It was exausting. I don't think I have cried so much in my whole life. Part of it was the heat stroke though. I had to leave MGM Studios because I felt like vomiting all over the place...And I did. How embarrassing! So my mom took me home and I took a little nap, and by the time I woke up she finally got all her work done and actually confronted me about keeping everything in for so long. It felt good at first until I started feeling nauseous again and the headache started throbbing my forehead. I guess you can say she opened the floodgates. And when we met up with Woody and Ron later, I thought I was feeling a lot better until Ian called me and somehow (I can't exactly remember how) he reopened the floodgates and BOOM! Everything came out again to him and now I feel really bad about it because now I'm technically leaning on him. Or I was. Maybe if I never mention it to him again it won't be leaning anymore =] But anyways! On for the more interesting update! 7/24/07 Arrived in Fort Myers Florida. We stayed with my fake grandmother and her perverted letch of a "husband". Joyful eh? When we were eating dinner this guy Nick is is name, began hitting on me (as usual) and also as usual, my grandmother defended him. My mom and I believe that she defends him because she's in denial. She doesn't want to admit how icky of a man he is because she knows the best thing to do would be to leave him if he was being sexual. But we all know she wouldn't do that. Who here is up for ignorance? 7/25/07 Got the rent a car and I got a couple new swim suits (Thank you to Matteo for eating my old one) And I even got a pair of shades that actually looks good on me! That's a first! My mom and my grandma and I then went to a Japanese restaurant, and while they talked business about depressing what not, I couldn't help but space out and listen to the incredibly depressing music that was being played in the restaurant itself. And speaking of food, later that night all of us (Me, my mom, my grandma, Ron my moms boyfriend and Nick the letch) went out for dinner at a seafood restaurant. Little did anyone remember that much of seafood is shellfish of which I'm allergic enough that I can't even breathe it. I got chicken. But I ended up spacing out again and taking pictures of rainbows on my camera and slowly things kept getting worse and worse. But I won't go into detail about that =] 7/26/07 Rented bikes because Ron loves bike riding and we rode around the gated community my grandma lives in for a little bit. Later I practiced driving on the rent a car too. This time I didn't back into a dirt mound thankfully. Went swimming later that evening, tried out one of the new bathing suits. I liked it =] But our swim time was cut short due to dinner with the grandma. 7/27/07 Went to Sanibel island which is probably the prettiest part of this sorry excuse for a city. No offense to it. My mom, Ron and I went on a two hour bike ride along the island after a leisurely lunch at the Bubble Room. The food was okay there but what I loved about it was how incredibly random and exciting the whole place was! They had old radios, old memorabilia, old photographs and even an old bright pink wig which was right by our table! And the waiters and waitress called themselves "Bubble Scouts". Our bubble scout wore cat ears =] So it was a pretty fun day until we got back to the house and my ankle mysteriously began to swell up. Who knows why. It was better in the morning. 7/28/07 Went to the Edison Ford museum which was basically the houses of Thomas Edison and Henry Ford made into a museum. Very fascinating place. I was feeling a bit sick that day though so I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I should have, but there's always the future to look forward too. Ha, I'm even beginning to sound like Edison himself by saying that. Lightbulb moment! But later on the three of us (Me, mom and Ron) went to the airport to pick up Woody who was to join us for the rest of our stay in Florida. Believe me, I was glad to have a friend with me. It was starting to get lonely. We stayed up almost all night chatting it up about anything from people to nuclear power plants. Hehe, we even began to look up NPP's located in Florida. This was because on the flight to Fort Myers, we had to stop by in Atlanta and when I looked out the window as we started to land, I saw one and my spirits brightened. Pathetic I know. We all have our quirks I guess. Speaking of quirks, mosquitos love me. I got bitten about 6 times that night, and that's just the beginning. 7/29/07 Drove the 6 hour drive from Fort Myers to Key West. Stopped at an Applebees in Fort Lauderdale for lunch. Big thunderstorm. Got soaked. Loved every moment of it. A lot of fun things happened on that drive too. I ended up asking Woody to write down all the songs on his ipod that I liked. Don't laugh, most of them were anime or game music. But they sounded nice so I ignored that fact. But on the drive, we also listened to a lot of music involving the idea of being a man "I'll Make a Man Out of You" -Mulan, "Walk Like a Man" -The Four Seasons....You know the type =] That was one fun drive. The hotel on the other hand was...interesting to say the least. Me and Woody were sharing a room about the size of a closet with two beds, a sink, a desk with a broken phone, AC, and a bathroom we shared with the next door people we don't even know. Mom and Ron got the nice room with a hamock swing sort of thing. We were also up a couple flight of stairs-No elevator-and they were on the first floor. I actually didn't mind the hotel at all. I thought it was cute. Woody hated it though. But my way of thinking was that as long as I had a bed, a toilet, a shower, a sink, and air conditioning, I was fine and happy. And they even supplied soap and towels to us too so I was more than happy =] 7/30/07 We were supposed to do a bike tour so we walked to the bike rental place, but Woody doesn't know how to ride a bicycle so we had requested a tricycle but when we got there, they didn't have the tricycle that they promised. Ron was pissed. But I was having some mosquito problems (about 10 more bites that night) and I didn't have any sandals to use in the immense heat we were exposed to so we ended up walking to a pharmacy, getting me some anti-itch cream and some sandals, and we hopped on a bus they called the Conch Train which is basically a tour of Old Key West. It took us several places including a sponge market and the Hemmingway house, home to Ernest Hemmingway and his strange extra toed cats. Speaking of cat, did you know that cats are able to run free and feral normally? And even more bizarre than that, chickens are also free to roam! I was so chocked when I heard that! Chickens are basically the pigeons of Key West! What's even funnier is that you get fined about $300 for harassing a chicken, and about $500 for running one over. Chickens! Go figure. 7/31/07 Rented bikes and trikes this time. Me and Ron had the bikes and mom and Woody had the trikes. We rode them pretty much all around the old town and stopped at the Little White House which was the summer home of Harry S. Truman the ex-president who dropped the A-Bomb on Hiroshima. I had mixed thoughts about visiting this guys home, but aside from a couple things I disagreed with, I think he may have been an okay guy. But at lunch the four of us got into a heated debate about morals and such. I was being accused of being closed minded when I said I was completely opposed to the A-Bomb. But really now, think about how horrible that was. I understand that was the key America needed to win WWII but I still think there were better ways to solve this than dropping an atomic bomb on a beautiful city on thousands of innocent civilians who had absolutely nothing to do with the war. It's a difficult subject for me considering I know the horrible effects of radiation and how these bombs can kill. I also couldn't help but remember my good friend Joanne who passed away with leukemia and how heartbreaking that was for me. And in case you didn't know, many people who lived through the A-Bomb are still dying today due to the development of leukemia from the radiation in their blood. If you want to read more about it read Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. I can't remember the author but it's a short, easy read but very informative. After that discussion, we headed back to the hotel when Ian called me as usual at that time. I talked to him for a couple hours by the pool and it wasn't until then that I realized how much I actually missed him. Especially when he had to pull his sweet talk thing on me. What a dork =] Later that night we went out to dinner before going on a ghost walk at night. Haha that was a lot of fun actually! We heard a lot of classic Old Key West ghost stories that included the one about Robert the Doll. That was probably the creepiest considering I have a thing against dolls. They've always scared me. And of course, that night I succeeded on getting about 10 more bug bites leaving me with about 26 bites. Lovely! Also later that night I got a phone call from a private number who knew my name and started saying stuff like "Suzanne you cock sucking whore! Slut, you bitch! My name is John and you sucked my dick you emo, cock sucking whore!" This went on for about five minutes or so and I still haven't found out who it was. And it really scared me actually. I told my mom about it who is still thinking about calling the police about it but I think that might be going overboard. What do you think? 8/1/07 Drove the 9 hours from Key West to Orlando. Another fun drive. Stopped for lunch at a restaurant called Friendly's. Poor Ron. He wanted to order a beer but they didn't have any alcohol so he order a watermelon milk shake type thing. First thing he said when they brought it to the table was "Uh Oh" that was funny. Later we drove through a place called YeeHaw Florida. Go figure. And around there we decided to stop for a bathroom and coffee break when it started to rain really hard! Ron came back to the car soaked to the bone saying "This sucks! Florida sucks!" We still laugh at him about that. And when we came pretty close to Orlando, we got lost in a place we like to call Tacky Ville. And you would understand if you went through that place. There were several gift shops with large wizard potruding from the building. Really really big wizards. And my favorite was the giant orange called Orange World. We still haven't figured out what they could possibly sell at Orange World. But sooner or later, we got to Disney World Fort Wildnerness cabins. Yes, we're staying in cabins. One room has a large bed and a set of bunkbeds. Me and Woody are sharing the bunkbeds and we're putting our luggage on the bed. My mom and Ron are in the other room with a fold down bed. It's actually a very nice place, just not what we're used to. Later that night went out for a character dinner called Chef Mickey's. We pretended it was Woody's birthday (it's really on the 24th of July) and he was embarrassed. We took priceless pictures. =] To be Continued... A little bird once told me a story
Wise and so very simple Starting a wave of ripples after ripples Like it's tune left turned in my eyes And while he was whistling I was not listening. I was drifting. To a sandy beach oh so fitting The calm blue of the water uplifting.. Screeching and snapping Now, snapping and screeching "Why have you been napping? And while I was preaching? How rude!" Said the little bird now unglued "I am deeply sorry" I said, my eyes starry "But I am so free you see Like this tree we sit upon so lit" But he cut me from my tracks With the ax from weighted back I believe I've been baited... "Free? You call yourself free? You haven't enough freedom To choose the air you yourself breath!" He seethed his abuse like a prayer I was stunned at his scare of a run And so I let myself shrink to a blink "How do you think? How do you say?" As I may have been astray, I so delayed. And with a sigh he began anew "For years I have watched you from so high With your head bent low to your knees As you lent upon my trees And with hair tied back your ears And a face laced with fear so askew I watched the tears fall to your shoes Like the tracks of a guiding train So old upon your veins so cold." So bold this little bird. So plain he told. I could not have foretold such a rain. "And why do you tell me now With so much of a frown on your brow? Is it me so profoundly at fault? While you are left so exalt?" And with his cold stare I am so aware I swear But he came to my stair So square in his care from nowhere He spoke a language so baroque "You hold the world in hands so curled It's no wonder your mind's so whirled. But the thunder of the night so far alight Let's take this fright and burn to a fight And from it's ashes we'll take flight And leave behind these gashes. What say you? As I will obey." Once more, my mind so does soar Once more, to that seashore I was drifting, oh, so fitting... Then, snapped out once more From my nap of which I adore "Yes, little bird, I wish to be free To be free with such freedom To sail the seven seas And leave this tiresome prison Just take me from this place And break me from this space!" And then I was falling and flying Flying and falling Falling from my own nest so lolling But now I was free, you see Somehow the little bird rescued me And now I could be free To sail the seven seas And choose the air I breathe I now dare say I am free I'm afraid of hitting a dead end of a road again. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of expecting the worse, never knowing what can be great. I'm afraid of being weak. Losing whatever strength I have in me to support all those around me. I'm afraid of loss...Not being able to get back up again. I'm afraid to walk on water, knowing that every step I take can pushes me further into the unknown. But I'm afraid of monotony. Everyday so gray. Droning on, and on like the broken alarm clock on my bedside table. I'm afraid of ignorance. I'm afraid of knowledge. I'm afraid of knowing so much I drown in the pleas that keep me moving. I'm afraid to suffocate in my own words, thus keeping me from speaking them. I'm afraid of letting the world fall from my shoulders, to shatter like the shell of this mornings tea egg. I'm afraid of responsibility. And the weight I carry now to keep my loved ones safe, and happy. I'm afraid of flooding my mind, and the world in my tears, thus I don't shed them. I'm afraid to let you in, should you stampede my mind with footsteps of your sorrows. I'm afraid to sleep at night, in fear of my mothers fears. She's so wrapped up in blanket of questions. I'm afraid she'll never wake again. I'm afraid to love him, like the way I never wish to let him go. I'm afraid of time, time, time, time...Ticking away, ticking away. Trickling away like my broken, bathroom faucet that I am too weak to fix. I'm afraid of running out of such precious time. So lost in a sea of silence, to the serpents mouth of prey. I'm afraid of the past. And it's sepia poloroids that lay crumpled on the floor. I'm afraid of my eyes reflection. I'm afraid of delving too much into myself. I'm afraid of a future, that will never belong to me. I'm afraid of walking. Walking on a path in fog without a compass to guide me. I'm afraid of the bends and curves and meanders of mystery that I will never come to know. I'm afraid of hitting a dead end of a road again. Again. Again. Again. Current mood: Well well, look who has returned to livejournal? Been a long while since I've been here. What do you want to know? I'm an open book. Outer appearances?: I have red hair now. it looks much better than my old black hair. maybe I'll actually post a picture up. Maybe. I haven't decided yet. And I'm still not five feet yet. I'm still an inch below. Tragic isn't it? I will never know the tall life which everyone holds to high in regard. Relationships: Still with Ian. Been nearly 16 months since we got together. But only nearly 13 of those months spent together. Long story. Not soemthing i wish to go into at this current moment Writing: Been writing a lot of poetry lately. Finally have some high-off-of-meds sick times to actually write something close to decent. I'll post my latest at the bottom. School: Grades getting better I assume. They just scaled the 2.0 realm last time I checked. The lowest I've ever gotten and I hope to never sink that low again. Right now as far as I know, the new semester started out fresh and new and I have been getting A's. So far at elast. That was before I got sick. Who knows what I have now? And who knows how much I have to make up? General health: I feel like crap right now and I can't concentrate on this huge body of words I'm typing out. I feel dizzy. Here's that damn poem you wanted. Enjoy! -------------------------------- Forever in the Rose Garden
Wait for me in the lands Of promises long broken Where all the world sighs To the words unspoken Where salty sweet tears Are but a small token To the smiles of grief Decorated in lavish oaken
Wait for me in the mirrors Of a long forgotten past Where reflections dress the hall And draw long faces aghast Where night and day collide But still leave a strong contrast Yet leaving open the maps To this world always so vast
Wait for me in the courtyard Of our castle walls so high Where the trees line the gardens And the ravens release an outcry Where the wind leaves the voices And the roses gone awry But never a soul alarmed And never a qusstion to why
Wait for me in the forrest Where all has gone askew And the earth's a damp sweat But remains still as a statue Where all hope that still exists Lies in the hands of those untrue And so the hollow speaks Is in the old of what is new
Wait for me at the sea Where waves crash and break And all that can be seen Leaves such a dull ache Where rocks wait bellow To turn sleepy eyes awake And the fogs whispers a tale Of it's nigh false namesake
Wait for me at the mountains Of the dark snow capped peaks Where the hearts freeze to ice And the souls afire shriek Where the lungs do not breathe And the voice does not speak But so the cold rages on And soft footsteps make but creaks
Wait for me in the valley Where all the runaways do hide For so they always fear The truths they never abide They live in a fantasy Of hands never tangled or tied Where all is kept a secret Except to the eyes opened wide
Wait for me at the gate Where the steel matches gray And the keeper holds a key To the mystery gone astray Where you hold such a love That has been so long delayed What a glass shattering fear If I so shall daresay
Wait for me on the balcony Of such a view so far Where our hands inertwine And a love so bizarre But such so very long ago Has left but a deep scar Where all that remains forgotten Is left behind the door left ajar
Wait for me in the garden Where our nostalgia made foreign And burried deep below Where the rose petals have fallen Such has left the ground a deep crimson And though our hearts may harden But always we'll keep moving Forever in the rose garden Well well, well well... Whats new? Galileo, is hard...But I like the challenge! It's a lot more challenging than Academy, and I like that. I mean, I'm passing after all. Comp Art - A Biology Honors - B Chinese Honors - C (Thats because I was confused...) PE - A English World Lit. Honors - C (Because I was disorganized. I'm working on it!!!) Geometry - B Not bad actually...Not as good as I would have liked, but I'm still passing in honor roll, so I'm happy. I have new friends as well. Including a ... *cough* boyfriend *cough* named Ian whos a 6 ft. tall sophmore...Which means not only is he a year older than me, but also a foot taller. It's a bit amusing for my other friends to see. And then theres my "Mommy" Danie. Also a sophmore from my Geo class. NT introduced me to her who introduced me to Ian and other 'bus buddies' as I call them (as you cans ee, they take the bus with me) hahahahahaha I couldnt go trick or treating because I had stinky rehearsals...But I still got a shit load of candy! I'm munching on it right now ^_^ lalala...what else is new? Tim is stupid...Ugh, everyone hates him...ok, hate may be a strong word but in Tims case, theres an excuse. He didn't know that Friday was a holiday, so he assigned a project to be due that day! Priceless! =D He's such a fucking moron though...Even the parents hate him! And other teachers! But because Ms. Chiu is desperate, shes keeping him =[ DAMN! He's ruining our lives! ... ok, again, maybe ruining is a strong word, but like I said before, in Tims case, theres an excuse. He's such a bad teacher...And CREEPY too!!! *shudder* o_0 For English, we're doing writing =] and reading the Odyssey <33333 I know I sound like a freak...hahaha, I am one! But yeah, interests are a little eccentric I must say... Have i written ... typed enough of an update yet? Well, thats all I'll write...type for now The best thing just happened to me...And I think I will go celebrate in Pacifica. Why Pacifica you ask? I have no clue! But I'm just happy what happened, happened!!! Well, there one good thing about Gal... It's better than a Turkish prison. things appear to be getting "better". If you can call it that. I now know my way around, and I think I'm now passing my classes with at least a B. Except for that of the FABULOUS computer art which I GREATLY despise. The work is still complicated, as I am for the very first time in practically all honors classes, plus a sophmore geometry class (which is quite easy). Chinese is sort of hard too. We're having Mandarin thrown at us after 10 years of only Cantonese. All three of our teachers are very impatient too. Wonderful...The only class I like is gym. We get to walk towards the warf and bother tourists. I love bothering tourists...And mocking them. Such interesting creatures...What, with theyre big cameras they just bought for this vacation, and the Hawaiian shirt, the khaki shorts, map they desperately try to conceal. Oh yes, tourists are quite fascinating indeed. ...I have three friends, all named Kenneth, and they each live abour 10 or 20 houses from each other. Are all Kenneths forced to live on the same street? I keep overhearing the voice in the back of my head saying "You fucking moron. You fucking moron" over and over again While listening to the Doors Break On Through And wondering what the hell just happened. I WANT TO GO BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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