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Imaginary Mosaic

23rd August, 2007. 12:22 pm. Come Nightfall

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Come Nightfall


Spilling the tale from a stuttering lip

To the fireworks of evening whispers,

Sirens wail to ears of pounding hearts

Emerging from words of bravery said.

"You like to think you're an immortal ghost

Never defeated with scars of burnt fire,

And never held with chains gripped taut

But we'll be sure that'll change, come nightfall."

 

It becomes almost a dance in the moonlight

To the overplayed tune of scaling bullets.

This song lacking mercy sings at every turn

As chary dancers bathe in tears and sweat.

For both sides now behind hourglasses of sand

Fighting for flags upon poles that bend and twist,

The dancers take their bow and fall to their knees

Before burning to scarlet crisp, come nightfall.

 

I tell my wordless painters in a mindless state

To paint a mural upon walls of brick and stone.

Crimson with the blood of the children fallen,

Paint a mural of the faces of a war so crumpled.

Faces who dare let their children perish to dust

As they brush away ashes with polished fingers.

For these faces so stoic as their slate, gray walls

Will only see their city aflame, come nightfall.

 

Everything on Earth is beautiful wonderment,

But nothing beautiful lasts a day in bloodshed

And even in shadows of alarm clocks spent,

Piercing thunder shakes days of searing flesh

So take in this breath of black wind cinders

With echo's of screaming voices hollow,

For you may find yourself buried beneath it

Past tomorrow's red dawn, come nightfall.

 

 

 

Make Notes

5th August, 2007. 9:11 am. The Trip So Far

Thankfully depressive part of the trip is pretty much over with after my mom pretty much forced me to cry on her shoulder. It was exausting. I don't think I have cried so much in my whole life. Part of it was the heat stroke though. I had to leave MGM Studios because I felt like vomiting all over the place...And I did. How embarrassing! So my mom took me home and I took a little nap, and by the time I woke up she finally got all her work done and actually confronted me about keeping everything in for so long. It felt good at first until I started feeling nauseous again and the headache started throbbing my forehead. I guess you can say she opened the floodgates. And when we met up with Woody and Ron later, I thought I was feeling a lot better until Ian called me and somehow (I can't exactly remember how) he reopened the floodgates and BOOM! Everything came out again to him and now I feel really bad about it because now I'm technically leaning on him. Or I was. Maybe if I never mention it to him again it won't be  leaning anymore =] But anyways! On for the more interesting update!

7/24/07
   
Arrived in Fort Myers Florida. We stayed with my fake grandmother and her perverted letch of a "husband". Joyful eh? When we were eating dinner this guy Nick is is name, began hitting on me (as usual) and also as usual, my grandmother defended him. My mom and I believe that she defends him because she's in denial. She doesn't want to admit how icky of a man he is because she knows the best thing to do would be to leave him if he was being sexual. But we all know she wouldn't do that. Who here is up for ignorance?

7/25/07
   
Got the rent a car and I got a couple new swim suits (Thank you to Matteo for eating my old one) And I even got a pair of shades that actually looks good on me! That's a first! My mom and my grandma and I then went to a Japanese restaurant, and while they talked business about depressing what not, I couldn't help but space out and listen to the incredibly depressing music that was being played in the restaurant itself. And speaking of food, later that night all of us (Me, my mom, my grandma, Ron my moms boyfriend and Nick the letch) went out for dinner at a seafood restaurant. Little did anyone remember that much of seafood is shellfish of which I'm allergic enough that I can't even breathe it. I got chicken. But I ended up spacing out again and taking pictures of rainbows on my camera and slowly things kept getting worse and worse. But I won't go into detail about that =]

7/26/07
   
Rented bikes because Ron loves bike riding and we rode around the gated community my grandma lives in for a little bit. Later I practiced driving on the rent a car too. This time I didn't back into a dirt mound thankfully. Went swimming later that evening, tried out one of the new bathing suits. I liked it =] But our swim time was cut short due to dinner with the grandma.

7/27/07
   
Went to Sanibel island which is probably the prettiest part of this sorry excuse for a city. No offense to it. My mom, Ron and I went on a two hour bike ride along the island after a leisurely lunch at the Bubble Room. The food was okay there but what I loved about it was how incredibly random and exciting the whole place was! They had old radios, old memorabilia, old photographs and even an old bright pink wig which was right by our table! And the waiters and waitress called themselves "Bubble Scouts". Our bubble scout wore cat ears =] So it was a pretty fun day until we got back to the house and my ankle mysteriously began to swell up. Who knows why. It was better in the morning.

7/28/07
   
Went to the Edison Ford museum which was basically the houses of Thomas Edison and Henry Ford made into a museum. Very fascinating place. I was feeling a bit sick that day though so I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I should have, but there's always the future to look forward too. Ha, I'm even beginning to sound like Edison himself by saying that. Lightbulb moment! But later on the three of us (Me, mom and Ron) went to the airport to pick up Woody who was to join us for the rest of our stay in Florida. Believe me, I was glad to have a friend with me. It was starting to get lonely. We stayed up almost all night chatting it up about anything from people to nuclear power plants. Hehe, we even began to look up NPP's located in Florida. This was because on the flight to Fort Myers, we had to stop by in Atlanta and when I looked out the window as we started to land, I saw one and my spirits brightened. Pathetic I know. We all have our quirks I guess. Speaking of quirks, mosquitos love me. I got bitten about 6 times that night, and that's just the beginning.

7/29/07
   
Drove the 6 hour drive from Fort Myers to Key West. Stopped at an Applebees in Fort Lauderdale for lunch. Big thunderstorm. Got soaked. Loved every moment of it. A lot of fun things happened on that drive too. I ended up asking Woody to write down all the songs on his ipod that I liked. Don't laugh, most of them were anime or game music. But they sounded nice so I ignored that fact. But on the drive, we also listened to a lot of music involving the idea of being a man "I'll Make a Man Out of You" -Mulan, "Walk Like a Man" -The Four Seasons....You know the type =] That was one fun drive. The hotel on the other hand was...interesting to say the least. Me and Woody were sharing a room about the size of a closet with two beds, a sink, a desk with a broken phone, AC, and a bathroom we shared with the next door people we don't even know. Mom and Ron got the nice room with a hamock swing sort of thing. We were also up a couple flight of stairs-No elevator-and they were on the first floor. I actually didn't mind the hotel at all. I thought it was cute. Woody hated it though. But my way of thinking was that as long as I had a bed, a toilet, a shower, a sink, and air conditioning, I was fine and happy. And they even supplied soap and towels to us too so I was more than happy =]

7/30/07
   
We were supposed to do a bike tour so we walked to the bike rental place, but Woody doesn't know how to ride a bicycle so we had requested a tricycle but when we got there, they didn't have the tricycle that they promised. Ron was pissed. But I was having some mosquito problems (about 10 more bites that night) and I didn't have any sandals to use in the immense heat we were exposed to so we ended up walking to a pharmacy, getting me some anti-itch cream and some sandals, and we hopped on a bus they called the Conch Train which is basically a tour of Old Key West. It took us several places including a sponge market and the Hemmingway house, home to Ernest Hemmingway and his strange extra toed cats. Speaking of cat, did you know that cats are able to run free and feral normally? And even more bizarre than that, chickens are also free to roam! I was so chocked when I heard that! Chickens are basically the pigeons of Key West! What's even funnier is that you get fined about $300 for harassing a chicken, and about $500 for running one over. Chickens! Go figure.

7/31/07
  
Rented bikes and trikes this time. Me and Ron had the bikes and mom and Woody had the trikes. We rode them pretty much all around the old town and stopped at the Little White House which was the summer home of Harry S. Truman the ex-president who dropped the A-Bomb on Hiroshima. I had mixed thoughts about visiting this guys home, but aside from a couple things I disagreed with, I think he may have been an okay guy. But at lunch the four of us got into a heated debate about morals and such. I was being accused of being closed minded when I said I was completely opposed to the A-Bomb. But really now, think about how horrible that was. I understand that was the key America needed to win WWII but I still think there were better ways to solve this than dropping an atomic bomb on a beautiful city on thousands of innocent civilians who had absolutely nothing to do with the war. It's a difficult subject for me considering I know the horrible effects of radiation and how these bombs can kill. I also couldn't help but remember my good friend Joanne who passed away with leukemia and how heartbreaking that was for me. And in case you didn't know, many people who lived through the A-Bomb are still dying today due to the development of leukemia from the radiation in their blood. If you want to read more about it read Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. I can't remember the author but it's a short, easy read but very informative. After that discussion, we headed back to the hotel when Ian called me as usual at that time. I talked to him for a couple hours by the pool and it wasn't until then that I realized how much I actually missed him. Especially when he had to pull his sweet talk thing on me. What a dork =] Later that night we went out to dinner before going on a ghost walk at night. Haha that was a lot of fun actually! We heard a lot of classic Old Key West ghost stories that included the one about Robert the Doll. That was probably the creepiest considering I have a thing against dolls. They've always scared me. And of course, that night I succeeded on getting about 10 more bug bites leaving me with about 26 bites. Lovely! Also later that night I got a phone call from a private number who knew my name and started saying stuff like "Suzanne you cock sucking whore! Slut, you bitch! My name is John and you sucked my dick you emo, cock sucking whore!" This went on for about five minutes or so and I still haven't found out who it was. And it really scared me actually. I told my mom about it who is still thinking about calling the police about it but I think that might be going overboard. What do you think?

8/1/07
   
Drove the 9 hours from Key West to Orlando. Another fun drive. Stopped for lunch at a restaurant called Friendly's. Poor Ron. He wanted to order a beer but they didn't have any alcohol so he order a watermelon milk shake type thing. First thing he said when they brought it to the table was "Uh Oh" that was funny. Later we drove through a place called YeeHaw Florida. Go figure. And around there we decided to stop for a bathroom and coffee break when it started to rain really hard! Ron came back to the car soaked to the bone saying "This sucks! Florida sucks!" We still laugh at him about that. And when we came pretty close to Orlando, we got lost in a place we like to call Tacky Ville. And you would understand if you went through that place. There were several gift shops with large wizard potruding from the building. Really really big wizards. And my favorite was the giant orange called Orange World. We still haven't figured out what they could possibly sell at Orange World. But sooner or later, we got to Disney World Fort Wildnerness cabins. Yes, we're staying in cabins. One room has a large bed and a set of bunkbeds. Me and Woody are sharing the bunkbeds and we're putting our luggage on the bed. My mom and Ron are in the other room with a fold down bed. It's actually a very nice place, just not what we're used to. Later that night went out for a character dinner called Chef Mickey's. We pretended it was Woody's birthday (it's really on the 24th of July) and he was embarrassed. We took priceless pictures. =]

To be Continued...
   

Make Notes

22nd July, 2007. 1:48 am. Freedom (still needs a little work)

A little bird once told me a story
Wise and so very simple
Starting a wave of ripples after ripples
Like it's tune left turned in my eyes
And while he was whistling
I was not listening. I was drifting.
To a sandy beach oh so fitting
The calm blue of the water uplifting..
Screeching and snapping
Now, snapping and screeching
"Why have you been napping?
And while I was preaching? How rude!"
Said the little bird now unglued
"I am deeply sorry" I said, my eyes starry
"But I am so free you see
Like this tree we sit upon so lit"
But he cut me from my tracks
With the ax from weighted back
I believe I've been baited...
"Free? You call yourself free?
You haven't enough freedom
To choose the air you yourself breath!"
He seethed his abuse like a prayer
I was stunned at his scare of a run
And so I let myself shrink to a blink
"How do you think? How do you say?"
As I may have been astray, I so delayed.
And with a sigh he began anew
"For years I have watched you from so high
With your head bent low to your knees
As you lent upon my trees
And with hair tied back your ears
And a face laced with fear so askew
I watched the tears fall to your shoes
Like the tracks of a guiding train
So old upon your veins so cold."
So bold this little bird. So plain he told.
I could not have foretold such a rain.
"And why do you tell me now
With so much of a frown on your brow?
Is it me so profoundly at fault?
While you are left so exalt?"
And with his cold stare
I am so aware I swear
But he came to my stair
So square in his care from nowhere
He spoke a language so baroque
"You hold the world in hands so curled
It's no wonder your mind's so whirled.
But the thunder of the night so far alight
Let's take this fright and burn to a fight
And from it's ashes we'll take flight
And leave behind these gashes.
What say you? As I will obey."
Once more, my mind so does soar
Once more, to that seashore
I was drifting, oh, so fitting...
Then, snapped out once more
From my nap of which I adore
"Yes, little bird, I wish to be free
To be free with such freedom
To sail the seven seas
And leave this tiresome prison
Just take me from this place
And break me from this space!"
And then I was falling and flying
Flying and falling
Falling from my own nest so lolling
But now I was free, you see
Somehow the little bird rescued me
And now I could be free
To sail the seven seas
And choose the air I breathe
I now dare say I am free

Make Notes

20th July, 2007. 11:32 pm. Writer's Block: Bump In The Night

I'm afraid of hitting a dead end of a road again. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of expecting the worse, never knowing what can be great. I'm afraid of being weak. Losing whatever strength I have in me to support all those around me. I'm afraid of loss...Not being able to get back up again. I'm afraid to walk on water, knowing that every step I take can pushes me further into the unknown. But I'm afraid of monotony. Everyday so gray. Droning on, and on like the broken alarm clock on my bedside table. I'm afraid of ignorance. I'm afraid of knowledge. I'm afraid of knowing so much I drown in the pleas that keep me moving. I'm afraid to suffocate in my own words, thus keeping me from speaking them. I'm afraid of letting the world fall from my shoulders, to shatter like the shell of this mornings tea egg. I'm afraid of responsibility. And the weight I carry now to keep my loved ones safe, and happy. I'm afraid of flooding my mind, and the world in my tears, thus I don't shed them. I'm afraid to let you in, should you stampede my mind with footsteps of your sorrows. I'm afraid to sleep at night, in fear of my mothers fears. She's so wrapped up in blanket of questions. I'm afraid she'll never wake again. I'm afraid to love him, like the way I never wish to let him go. I'm afraid of time, time, time, time...Ticking away, ticking away. Trickling away like my broken, bathroom faucet that I am too weak to fix. I'm afraid of running out of such precious time. So lost in a sea of silence, to the serpents mouth of prey. I'm afraid of the past. And it's sepia poloroids that lay crumpled on the floor. I'm afraid of my eyes reflection. I'm afraid of delving too much into myself. I'm afraid of a future, that will never belong to me. I'm afraid of walking. Walking on a path in fog without a compass to guide me. I'm afraid of the bends and curves and meanders of mystery that I will never come to know. I'm afraid of hitting a dead end of a road again. Again. Again. Again.

Current mood: drained.

Make Notes

16th February, 2007. 10:08 pm. Somewhat of an update.

Well well, look who has returned to livejournal? Been a long while since I've been here. What do you want to know? I'm an open book.

Outer appearances?: I have red hair now. it looks much better than my old black hair. maybe I'll actually post a picture up. Maybe. I haven't decided yet. And I'm still not five feet yet. I'm still an inch below. Tragic isn't it? I will never know the tall life which everyone holds to high in regard.

Relationships: Still with Ian. Been nearly 16 months since we got together. But only nearly 13 of those months spent together. Long story. Not soemthing i wish to go into at this current moment

Writing: Been writing a lot of poetry lately. Finally have some high-off-of-meds sick times to actually write something close to decent. I'll post my latest at the bottom.

School: Grades getting better I assume. They just scaled the 2.0 realm last time I checked. The lowest I've ever gotten and I hope to never sink that low again. Right now as far as I know, the new semester started out fresh and new and I have been getting A's. So far at elast. That was before I got sick. Who knows what I have now? And who knows how much I have to make up?

General health: I feel like crap right now and I can't concentrate on this huge body of words I'm typing out. I feel dizzy. Here's that damn poem you wanted.

Enjoy!
--------------------------------

Forever in the Rose Garden

 

Wait for me in the lands

Of promises long broken

Where all the world sighs

To the words unspoken

Where salty sweet tears

Are but a small token

To the smiles of grief

Decorated in lavish oaken

 

Wait for me in the mirrors

Of a long forgotten past

Where reflections dress the hall

And draw long faces aghast

Where night and day collide

But still leave a strong contrast

Yet leaving open the maps

To this world always so vast

 

Wait for me in the courtyard

Of our castle walls so high

Where the trees line the gardens

And the ravens release an outcry

Where the wind leaves the voices

And the roses gone awry

But never a soul alarmed

And never a qusstion to why

 

Wait for me in the forrest

Where all has gone askew

And the earth's a damp sweat

But remains still as a statue

Where all hope that still exists

Lies in the hands of those untrue

And so the hollow speaks

Is in the old of what is new

 

Wait for me at the sea

Where waves crash and break

And all that can be seen

Leaves such a dull ache

Where rocks wait bellow

To turn sleepy eyes awake

And the fogs whispers a tale

Of it's nigh false namesake

 

Wait for me at the mountains

Of the dark snow capped peaks

Where the hearts freeze to ice

And the souls afire shriek

Where the lungs do not breathe

And the voice does not speak

But so the cold rages on

And soft footsteps make but creaks

 

Wait for me in the valley

Where all the runaways do hide

For so they always fear

The truths they never abide

They live in a fantasy

Of hands never tangled or tied

Where all is kept a secret

Except to the eyes opened wide

 

Wait for me at the gate

Where the steel matches gray

And the keeper holds a key

To the mystery gone astray

Where you hold such a love

That has been so long delayed

What a glass shattering fear

If I so shall daresay

 

Wait for me on the balcony

Of such a view so far

Where our hands inertwine

And a love so bizarre

But such so very long ago

Has left but a deep scar

Where all that remains forgotten

Is left behind the door left ajar

 

Wait for me in the garden

Where our nostalgia made foreign

And burried deep below

Where the rose petals have fallen

Such has left the ground a deep crimson

And though our hearts may harden

But always we'll keep moving

Forever in the rose garden

Read 3 Notes -Make Notes

7th November, 2005. 5:55 pm. whee updates!

Well well, well well...

Whats new?
Galileo, is hard...But I like the challenge! It's a lot more challenging than Academy, and I like that. I mean, I'm passing after all.

Comp Art - A
Biology Honors - B
Chinese Honors - C (Thats because I was confused...)
PE - A
English World Lit. Honors - C (Because I was disorganized. I'm working on it!!!)
Geometry - B

Not bad actually...Not as good as I would have liked, but I'm still passing in honor roll, so I'm happy.

I have new friends as well. Including a ... *cough* boyfriend *cough* named Ian whos a 6 ft. tall sophmore...Which means not only is he a year older than me, but also a foot taller. It's a bit amusing for my other friends to see. And then theres my "Mommy" Danie. Also a sophmore from my Geo class. NT introduced me to her who introduced me to Ian and other 'bus buddies' as I call them (as you cans ee, they take the bus with me)

hahahahahaha I couldnt go trick or treating because I had stinky rehearsals...But I still got a shit load of candy! I'm munching on it right now ^_^

lalala...what else is new? Tim is stupid...Ugh, everyone hates him...ok, hate may be a strong word but in Tims case, theres an excuse. He didn't know that Friday was a holiday, so he assigned a project to be due that day! Priceless! =D He's such a fucking moron though...Even the parents hate him! And other teachers! But because Ms. Chiu is desperate, shes keeping him =[ DAMN! He's ruining our lives! ... ok, again, maybe ruining is a strong word, but like I said before, in Tims case, theres an excuse. He's such a bad teacher...And CREEPY too!!! *shudder* o_0

For English, we're doing writing =] and reading the Odyssey <33333 I know I sound like a freak...hahaha, I am one! But yeah, interests are a little eccentric I must say...

Have i written ... typed enough of an update yet?
Well, thats all I'll write...type for now

Read 3 Notes -Make Notes

18th October, 2005. 8:05 pm. FINALLY

The best thing just happened to me...And I think I will go celebrate in Pacifica. Why Pacifica you ask? I have no clue! But I'm just happy what happened, happened!!!

Read 1 Note -Make Notes

3rd October, 2005. 7:37 pm.

Well, there one good thing about Gal...
It's better than a Turkish prison.

things appear to be getting "better". If you can call it that. I now know my way around, and I think I'm now passing my classes with at least a B. Except for that of the FABULOUS computer art which I GREATLY despise. The work is still complicated, as I am for the very first time in practically all honors classes, plus a sophmore geometry class (which is quite easy). Chinese is sort of hard too. We're having Mandarin thrown at us after 10 years of only Cantonese. All three of our teachers are very impatient too. Wonderful...The only class I like is gym. We get to walk towards the warf and bother tourists. I love bothering tourists...And mocking them. Such interesting creatures...What, with theyre big cameras they just bought for this vacation, and the Hawaiian shirt, the khaki shorts, map they desperately try to conceal. Oh yes, tourists are quite fascinating indeed.

...I have three friends, all named Kenneth, and they each live abour 10 or 20 houses from each other.
Are all Kenneths forced to live on the same street?

Read 1 Note -Make Notes

1st October, 2005. 7:38 pm.

I keep overhearing the voice in the back of my head saying
"You fucking moron. You fucking moron" over and over again
While listening to the Doors Break On Through
And wondering what the hell just happened.

Read 1 Note -Make Notes

26th September, 2005. 4:50 pm. LWAFHALWHLAWHLA;TUA

I WANT TO GO BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read 2 Notes -Make Notes

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